Job Board! Appointment Setter (???)

Zero questions answered in this ad as seen here in the SouthtownStar: Who? What? Where? When? Why?

No, maybe one: How

APPOINTMENT SETTER Temp

As seen in The Daily Southtown/Star

APPOINTMENT SETTER Temp position. 773-778-4444

Document ID: A2350-0BQH Ad Number: 0000787765-01				Job Type: Regular Job Schedule: Full-time Published in: The Daily Southtown/Star Published on: 09/05/2008

Job Board! Business Development Manager (???)

Continuing the Job Board! theme of posting ads that are terribly written or badly spelled or both. This one: “Chock full” of cliches (I’ve underlined ‘em), as seen here on the SouthtownStar’s job board. I know it’s long, but it’s CHOCK FULL.

Diamond in the Rough
We’re a well-kept secret. Founded in 1999, Spine-Health.com is the leading chronic pain website. We’re visited by 1 million unique visitors a month. We’re profitable, and have just eight employees. We publish free, original, award-winning health content. Now that we’ve established a clearly proven business model, we’re adding our first ever sales professional to call on physician’s practices and sign deals to add them to our rapidly-growing Physician’s Directory. Our customers are doctors, who see a clear return on investment by subscribing to Spine-Health.com, since we provide them a steady stream of new patients each year. We help them grow their practices, which makes this a straightforward value proposition. Now we need your help developing and expanding our sales reach.

Sales Force: Me, Myself, and I
Tens of millions of Americans suffer from long-term chronic pain, and Spine-Health.com is one of the most visited and respected resources for information. We’re just beginning to convert that loyal following into a profitable revenue stream, and you’ll be the key driver. Talk about impact! You ll own the whole sales cycle. You ll have to. With great responsibility comes great opportunity. Get ready! Few sales jobs combine this amount of entrepreneurial, start-up experience with the potential for immediate and rapid account growth. We re run by a small staff of intelligent go-getters who work hard, but smart. We re profitable and independent. There s no bureaucracy here to stand in your way. In fact, you ll create any infrastructure you need to get the job done.

Got What it Takes?
Our Business Development Manager will lead the charge on identifying prospective physicians, gaining their interest with well-placed and compelling phone presentation, and then flying to see them in-person to close the deal. You re calm and cool under pressure. Your confidence is persuasive. Presenting to physicians — intelligent and busy professionals — isn’t for the faint of heart. Bring your ability to address challenging questions and objections, in real-time. You write compelling and articulate emails and sales presentations with a basic understanding of PowerPoint and Excel. You re scrappy with a get-it-done and close-the-deal mentality. You re willing to travel nationwide about 30% of your time. In short, you re unique. And you ll be rewarded for your talents and hard work.

No Cap on Sales Comp
We offer a competitive starting salary with significant variable directly tied to your sales performance. And at Spine-Health.com, the sky s the limit. Build your business and you ll profit handsomely as 90% of our physician clients renew their subscriptions each year. A motivated Business Development Manager can build a sizeable annuity stream in a short amount of time.

Interested? Tell us why. Send your resume to careers@strongsuit.com.

Job Board! CASHIERS Flying Food Fare (Chicago, Ill.)

From an ad posted here, courtesy of the SouthtownStar newspaper. Probably I ought to look there first since they’re about to be the ones to sign my paychecks. Let’s find out together what they have to offer.

CASHIERS Flying Food Fare

As seen in The Daily Southtown/Star

CASHIERS Flying Food Fare Chicago Treasures Gift Shop at the Midway Airport has Full Time opportunities available for cashiers. Requires HS Diploma or GED fluency in English and cashier experience. Must be flexible to work nights days and weekends do to schedule changes that may occur. All positions are subject to drug testing 10-year background check and fingerprinting. EOE. Fax resume to Greg Abramson 773-884-0771. If not flexible with hours of a schedule no need to apply.

Good advice: Don’t go to work for people who can’t describe in basic English what you’re going to do. Writing errors? Keep checking those classifieds.

Job Board! Manager, Regulatory Affairs (Philadelphia, Penn.)

From an ad posted here on philly.com:

The Manager, Regulatory Affairs will report to the Executive Director, Regulatory Affairs and will be responsible for certain projects in development and play an integral role in the regulatory affairs activities for the company.

Among the “Required Skills, Experience and Keys to Success”:

An understanding of the current Regulatory environment and demonstrated ability to perform in it

Positive attitude, assertive, ability to work with minimal supervision

Ability to adapt to changing priorities in an intense area of drug development

Microsoft Office

Time management

Comfortable working and communicating independently

Excellent partnering, strong interpersonal skills and leadership abilities

Also, a willingness to capitalize the word, “Regulatory.”

Wait, are you supposed to have Microsoft Office, or just know how to use their copy?

 

Doesn’t say which company is hiring; The Merwin Group is doing the recruiting. The Merwin Group claims to be “a force in targeting attracting and placing select Impact Players, Building the heart of your business.[...]We know where to Strike, reaching every Impact zone. Utilizing innovative, comprehensive solutions we attract and place the exceptional talented Impact Players.”

 

But how can a fancy employment agency expect to make an Impact when its employees can’t write?

Job Board! Senior Database Engineer with a minimum Active Secret Clearance (Arlington, Va.)

From an ad here on Monster.com:

What a tease, Indus Corp! You allude to said Active Secret Clearance, but say no more in the job description!

Also, performs database administration and configuration management functions to include the following duties:

• Allocating system storage and planning future storage requirements for the database system.
• Creating primary database storage structures (tablespaces).
• Creating primary objects (tables, views, indexes) once application developers have designed an application.
• Modifying the database structure, as necessary, to support new system requirements and enhancements.
• Developing, implementing and maintaining database security.
• Proposing and implementing database performance and optimizing techniques and standards.
• Performing set up, troubleshooting and maintenance of Oracle replication techniques (Snapshots, Streams, RAC, etc.).
• Conducting tuning of database for optimal performance.
• Liaising with customer support to deal with database issues.

For more on how to “liaise,” and the $2,500 signup bonus, see the full job posting. 

Job Board! Organizational Alignment & Assessment Specialist (New Orleans, LA)

From an ad seen here on Monster.com:

“Manages the implementation and maintains, develops policies, procedures and performance measures, and reports on the Quality Management System, Organizational and Management Assessment Program and alignment of DM¿s value creation processes through  process management to include performance measures, analysis and process improvement.

“Prefer personnel nationally certified in quality or training disciplines such as the American Society for Quality (ASQ) or RABQSA.”

Ah, RABQSA!

Job Board! Part-Time Installation Coordinator (North Shore, Ill.)

From an ad seen here on craigslist.org.
Reply to: job-766712784@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-07-23, 11:03AM CDT

September 2008 – February 2009 (5 1/2 month intern opportunity)

This position is perfect for a detailed and motivated person who enjoys managing many balls that are constantly in the air. Organization is critical. This is a chance to manage and improve the process and implementation of a successful and reputable holiday business.

The position is the main contact for all client, crew, product and job installation information. The hours range from 4 hours a day to 40 hours+ per week at the height of the season. You will be given the keys to drive this operation if you prove to be intelligent, honest, savvy, creative and dedicated. A short, seasonal business is tough and you will be the ‘hub’ that makes the wheel turn.

Opportunity for full-time position upon successful 2008 holiday season.

Duties
- Work Locations: from home; in the Niles warehouse and throughout the North Shore suburbs
- Must have car, computer, exceptional excel skills, internet, very professional, flexibility
- Must have access to fax machine, printer and cell and computer
- Organize and develop installation schedule and meets with crew and visits job sites each day
- Answers client calls and manages client service requests
- Bi-lingual Spanish/English would be great
- Plans and coordinates the installation schedule with the crew
- Collects and verifies the time sheets from crew and enters into the database
- Receives deliveries at the warehouse and is accountable for item verification and stocking
- Track progress of each installation and inventory installed
- Coordinate and manage the removal and storage of each job site
Pay: Two weeks training pay is $12hr and then $15+ after that.

Compensation: $12.00 to $15.00
Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 766712784

Job Board! Whiskey Brand Ambassador (Chicago, Ill.)

As seen here on craigslist. Don’t forget your headshot.

Reply to: see below
Date: 2008-07-21, 4:45PM CDT

Whisky Brand Ambassador
Do you dine only at the best restaurants and all the bartenders in town know you on a first name basis? Do you know the differences between a single malt and a blend? Do you have enough extraordinary experiences and amazing accounts to fill a novel?

If you answered yes to these questions then continue reading. This could be the job for you!

A world renowned whisky brand seeks a Chicago-based ambassador to be the face of the brand at all key events and citywide promotional activity. The primary focus of this position will be to communicate brand messages to both consumers and trade personnel via on-premise sampling, mentoring and training.

You are our ideal candidate if…

…You often find yourself with a captive audience and are constantly running out of business cards. A natural storyteller with a commanding presence, you are most in your element when you are the center of attention within groups large and small. Your energy is contagious and your enthusiasm for living life to the very fullest is inspiring.

…You have a background in the high-end service industry and/or Mixology, and you are well versed in the Scotch Whisky category, or eager to learn. Along with your enthusiasm for high-end Scotch, you have an awareness of other premium and luxury brands such as clothing, automobiles and high-end technology.

..You are looking for a career you can be passionate about, you have a keen understanding of your city, and you enjoy working nights/weekends.

Roles and Responsibilities
• Develop presentations to educate consumers and train trade personnel on Scotch whisky and our brand
• Recruit key trade staff into an advocacy program, execute training events and encourage continued trade participation
• Conduct and Host on-premise sampling events
• Schedule/Execute/Report activities and events on a weekly basis
• Manage stipend budget and reconcile expenditures on a biweekly basis
• Attain goals via scheduled & impromptu tasting events
• Create & Maintain a database of key contacts
• Provide consumer assistance to Brand Management and Public Relations teams
• Raise awareness and depth of distribution
• Develop opportunities for Brand Educational events, organize and manage the events
• Monitor and report market observations across entire Scotch whisky portfolio
• Work with market manager and local client with day-to-day program development and facilitation
• Manage internal client requests, maintaining open and effective communication

Competencies
• Excellent Communicator: Speaks and writes with a high degree of professionalism and credibility; communicates effectively with various audiences including multiple HQ/Client contacts
• Organizational/Time Management Skills: Moves projects forward to meet client objectives and deadlines; anticipates challenges; manages time effectively and operates efficiently, able to multi-task and prioritize duties
• Relationship Building/Teamwork: Maintains high level of client service, maintains positive internal and external relationships; contributes to business building opportunities; promotes enthusiasm and pride in work
• Provides Feedback on program activity and offers ideas for improvement
• Results-Driven: a self-starter who can see both the “big picture” as well as his role in the process and is able to analyze and adapt to different situations/challenges in order to attain goals

Please send resume and headshot or recent photograph to ChiBAC@legacymp.com Resumes submitted without photos will not be considered

• Compensation: Competitive
• Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster.
• Please, no phone calls about this job!
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 764278062

Job Board! Client Associate or Registered Client Associate – New York, NY

From an ad seen here on Monster.
Job Description Requisition Number: 93534
Position Title: Client Associate or Registered Client Associate – New York, NY
The financial industry is changing …
One Client Associate at a time.

Are you ready to begin your career in the financial services industry? Consider becoming a Client Associate at RBC Wealth Management – the nation’s eighth largest full-service investment firm.

Requirements:
The ideal candidate will have strong organizational, math and communication skills, be proficient with Microsoft Office and be able to work independently. Associate’s degree in finance or business, investment knowledge and 1-2 years general office experience preferred. Ability to build professional relationships with both employees and clients, take initiative and accept personal responsibility for performance required. Series 7 and 63/66 licenses (or ability to obtain all licenses within first year on job).

Must be eligible to work in the US without sponsorship and reside within 50 miles of office.

Key Accountabilities:
As a Client Associate, you’ll be responsible for providing administrative support to Financial Consultants and Branch Office Managers. You’ll enjoy a daily routine featuring a variety of exciting challenges such as: servicing clients on behalf of Financial Consultants, ensuring account documentation is accurate, coordinating client mailings/ presentations, and have knowledge of product offerings. Plus, you’ll be gaining valuable experience in the fast-paced, ever-changing world of investing.

RBC Wealth Management is a great place to begin your career, because we have the resources of a global financial leader. Yet we also maintain the entrepreneurial spirit and innovative culture of a “small firm.- So you’ll not only be developing skills with a broad range of products, you’ll also be learning client service from some of the best in the business.

We offer a competitive salary, comprehensive benefits and advancement opportunities for motivated employees. Equal Opportunity Employer.

Experience: Minimum 1 year
Education: High School Diploma / GED
Skills: Adaptability, Business Acumen, Listening, Understanding and Responding, Relationship Building,

Job Board! makes me feel better about myself

There. There’s my justification and my bias all laid out. Tough as it is now to land a reporting job, I could have to land one of these things listed on Monster or Craigslist or in the classifieds that I can’t even figure out.

Since the little boxes on the side of this site are little and can’t be archived (well, I can’t make them archive), I’m going to post ‘em. Love to have suggestions – stick them in the comments or email me.